By Kenneth Stepp
It was about four and a half years ago that I met someone that would be one of the most important people in the world to me. She was smart, sensual, attentive, and to me, the most beautiful girl I had ever met. I remember one day we were having a conversation about being single, dating, and us. She said something that has stuck with me to this day. This, as she motioned about herself, is all I have to offer. You either accept me as I am, or send me on my way. Now I couldn’t imagine any man not wanting her. I was in love and love is truly blind. Not that it needed blindness to find beauty in her at all. I have thought about her statement ever since. Some days, it stays with me all day. Now years later. She and I both remain alone.
“I wondered what happened when you offered yourself to someone, and they opened you, only to discover you were not the gift they expected and they had to smile and nod and say thank you all the same.”
― Jodi Picoult
I guess I am having one of those days. When I think back in time with regret about her. I fell so hard, so deep, and us not making it. Well. It’s the reason I write. I began writing after she and I split up. I had to do something with the pain. Some days, I still do. Most days, I’m great. I am basically a very happy person. I have my ups and downs like everyone else. But positivity and sunshine usually win the day for me. I enjoy my life. My friends, the people I engage with daily, my readers when they give me feedback. These things just add flavor to my life. And for that, I am so grateful. I am blessed. I am, in the words of my dear friend, Jerry Robertson. Better than I deserve.
“Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake & help us see we are worth so much more than we’re settling for.”
― Mandy Hale
Being single… It really is a state of being. A place in life with many phenomenons. Falling in love sounds like the most wonderful thing in the world. Well. Try falling alone. You meet, you like, then you love. Then you are back online trying to repeat the experience. It’s a sad state at times. One where logic doesn’t rule the day. Yet I tend to be very logical. But my hopeless romantic side steals the show so often. That logic tends to take an extended vacation just waiting on me to be in pain again. Logic. I may need to come up with a better word than that. I’ll work on that one later. I find myself on a journey. One in which I hope to find my soulmate. Often I wonder if my soulmate is real. Not unlike bigfoot, reptilians, and aliens from other galaxies. There is evidence they all exist. But science wants to see a body before signing on. Insert smiley face here.
“To say that one waits a lifetime for his soulmate to come around is a paradox. People eventually get sick of waiting, take a chance on someone, and by the art of commitment become soulmates, which takes a lifetime to perfect.”
― Criss Jami
Is a soulmate real based on butterflies in our stomach and flutters in our heart? Or does commitment make a soulmate? Do we do life together while finding more and more things to admire about one another? Or do we wait for our feelings to overtake us? To be honest. I don’t know. I know what I’ve allowed to guide me in the past hasn’t worked and it doesn’t seem it ever will. Maybe going back to “logic” isn’t a bad thing. I know there are those happy to be alone. I’m happy alone myself. But would love to share my heart with another. To partner in life and journeys together. Play together, even cooking together is endearing and fun. Explore, travel, and enjoy nature together. Being alone offers so much simplicity and little risk of being hurt. But it doesn’t offer these things. Enjoy your journey my friends. Play hard, love hard, wake up and do it again…
“Hope for love, pray for love, wish for love, dream for love…but don’t put your life on hold waiting for love.”
― Mandy Hale
And don’t run from it when it comes… You are enough for the heart that loves you. You are perfect for that heart.