By Kenneth Stepp
Ok. Now I’m quoting war crimes in my title and talk about clothing. Surely I have lost my mind… Hang in there with me a little while longer. How can dating and war crimes possibly be related? Because part of the definition of this war crime is a problem in the dating community today. Please read it and see for yourself.
“Cruel and unusual punishment includes torture, deliberately degrading punishment, or punishment that is too severe for the crime committed.” – The 8th Amendment
First. No crime was committed. It’s dating, not spying. So why are people treated so poorly today? In a prison situation many studies have shown that the guards adapt an us or them mentality. In the dating journey I have seen this as well. Does this sound extreme? I don’t believe it does. Guys. If you date a girl and in the end she feels degraded and demeaned. Then you are part of the problem. We are part of the problem.
Dating should be more like shopping for a new suit instead of seeing how many times you can win. Define win in whatever way winning is for you. It’s different with everyone. And it’s an unhealthy way of conducting yourself in this arena. If you are trying on suits, you don’t rip them up if they’re the wrong one for you. You take it off and gently hang it back up for the next guy to try it on. It will be perfect for someone. Just not you.
I have interviewed over two hundred girls about their dating experience and many other subjects for my books. I have heard story after story that has left me both bewildered and incensed. Why are we so hard on one another? Honestly, I have never been able to answer that one. Things have changed so much. These days you can be seeing someone, enjoying what seems to be a great start to an exciting new relationship. Only to wake up one morning and find yourself unfriended, blocked, and alone. No explanation. No excuses, and apparently, no backbone in that man’s spine at all. They call this ghosting. The fact we’ve given this act a name bothers me more than just a little bit.
When getting to know someone I tell them at some point that I am always a gentleman, always polite. This does two things. As they see me live these out, they know what to expect from me. And by telling them these simple traits I live by, it gives me the accountability that I must live up to what I presented myself as. I believe I can honestly say. I have always lived up to these standards. Guys. Let’s all have some kind of standards. And easy one would be to not leave a girl wondering why we vanished. Aside from being rude. The next guy to come along will have to deal with the mess you left by either missing out on getting to know her. Or painstakingly cleaning up the mess you made.
I’m talking about these things because I believe I have personally paid a price for what someone else did. More than once actually. The first was the first girl I met after becoming single. As far as I know, she had only two real relationships in her life and had a daughter by both. Both were alpha males, both were abusive. Then I show up. An alpha that would never hurt her in any way. But still an alpha. I believe it’s why I’m single today.
The second girl I believe I missed out on was a girl I met online. Over the years we became friends. Unique and caring, even loving friends. But once things became serious looking. Her walls went up and I was just toast. No one can scale that kind of wall. No man will ever be able to clean that ness up. She will go from thinking she wants a man to raising boundaries and becoming distant every time one shows up. It’s hard to watch someone you love go through this. Even from a distance.
Try the suit on. Check out the stitching, is it the right cut? Does it add to your overall look? Is it a great fit? If not. Gently take it off. Correctly put it back on the hanger. Hang it back where it goes. That suit really will be perfect for someone. It doesn’t lower its value because it wasn’t a good fit for you. Honer her and honor the right man for her to come. Treat it with care. At the end of the day. That suit is perfect. Just not for you. She has great value to someone. Remember that…
“You better treat her like your queen, If you want to be treated like a king.”
― Moosa Rahat