By Kenneth Stepp


Winning. Not in the context of what Charlie Sheen bragged about as his life and career completely imploded. I mean really winning. If you are over 40 years old and find yourself single again. You probably already know what it’s like to lose. A loss made you single. I, like you, lost something I never thought I’d lose and found myself in these shark infested waters. And I wasn’t power swimming. At best I was dog paddling. And not always doing a good job at that. Fear is a very real companion on this journey. He’s always close by. Waiting to influence your decisions. When fear wins over faith. Winning is not an option.


“You’re not obligated to win. You’re obligated to keep trying. To the best you can do everyday.”

Jason Mraz


Using faith in decision making? Yes we can. Does that simply mean we are very hopeful that when we decide to “go for it” with a potential mate that we somehow increase our chances? Of course not. Faith isn’t backed as much by hope as it is sound principles and basic logic. Hope is merely a wish. Faith is developed in each of us and is endowed with our emotional and intellectual DNA. Because of this. We “go for it” when it makes sense. Not when it just seems like a good idea, fantasy, and desire. Faith is much deeper and more valuable than that. I have found myself in pseudo relationships I thought were or at least could be amazing. Then something happens that reminds me, this isn’t right. I know others who have experienced this as well. To win. We cannot be foolish or in a hurry.


“Winning isn’t everything–but wanting to win is.”

Vince Lombardi Jr


Being single has been an amazing journey. One I will welcome an end to. I have learned a lot about life, love, relationships, and myself. The latter being by far the most important. The lessons have been plentiful. The realities and regrets have been more plentiful. The inner workings of myself have surprised me. I haven’t always liked what I found in me. Character flaws I was blind to for years. Traits I did not know existed in me, both good and evil. And thoughts of others that would embarrass me should anyone ever see them. It really is a complex thing. Even figuring out what winning looks like for me. That has been a journey by itself. To have life defeat me because of my weaknesses. Then again, stand back up.


“The real glory is being knocked to your knees and then coming back. That’s real glory. That’s the essence of it.”

Vince Lombardi Jr


So. What have I learned? I have new goals today. To never judge another person, to love with all I have, everyone I meet, to remember that I am not more important than anyone else, and that God is real and the only worthy pursuit this side of eternity. This is my path to winning. This is where I am today. Have you found your win? If not. Turn to faith and refuse to give fear a foothold. Good luck on your journey.


“Sometimes not getting what you want is a brilliant stroke of luck.”

Lorii Myers